Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Meme Funny: Who are you?

You know, some memes like this one are just hilarious to consider. I don't know who put together this mish mash but he must have loved July. I mean, really, this couldn't get much more lopsided that it is now. Since my birth month is July I decided to do a fun write up on just how fast Dr. Manhattan rules over this no matter who his enemy is in this case. And I don't even have to kill them all. I can make them my collection of people in little jars if I want to. So here is the meme and I am, Dr. Manhattan.

I'll start from August and go around:

VS Deadpool: Bullets and swords mean precisely jack to me. Not only is he not going to touch me, I think I'll cure him of being a living cancer at a molecular level. He's going to have to go through the hell of getting his powers all over again just to keep his job. I'm way beyond his reach.

VS Hulk:  He comes up as my actual nemesis according to this meme. I laughed. I don't eve have to think about what to do. I'll just separate the gamma radiation from his cells and send the cured Dr. Banner on his way. He never has to be the Hulk again.

VS Tall Man: This is the guy from the horror franchise, Phantasm. What the hell is he even doing on this list? Not only is he critically out of place, but he won't be invading my dimension today. I don't care how many places he can be in at once, I can be in more. He depends on weird cross dimensional technology that I'll turn to dust before he can think of a single syllable word. That includes his cute little spheres that won't get anywhere near me. Might just turn them right back on him and see how he likes it.

VS Spawn: Ah, just about the only near worthy opponent on this list. Spawn has taken on some big baddies to include Malbolgia (the equivalent of Mephisto in Marvel). But that isn't going to save him. At my level I can figure out what his magic is made of and put an end to it. No matter what he does, I have the power to just say NO. And it doesn't happen. It's likely I can even shunt him to another dimension to go after someone he'll have more fun with. Hey, Tall Man, you're about to have company.

VS Super Saiyan: If I spelled it right, ha ha. I don't care. It's bad enough it will take three weeks for him to throw one punch but while he's building power, I'm draining it. He will never get the chance to throw that punch because he won't have any kinetic energy to move with. And I can do that forever. Perpetual stasis? No problemo. I don't care what power levels he has, he can't use them if he can't activate them. And there is no speed he can move at that my cosmic intellect can't see. Like many of these, this is a non fight.

VS Superman: Oh let's see. Create the light of a red sun, generate a cage of pure green kryptonite, or just drain all the yellow sun radiation from his body. Doesn't really matter, Supes isn't fighting me today. Even his super speed doesn't matter, I'll see him coming from a mile away. I won't let him within a foot of me, much less ten. That's the level of awareness that Dr. Manhattan possesses.

VS Batman: No. Just no. Remember Ozymandias? Smartest guy in the universe and he totally failed to decimate me. For all his logic he had zero actual chance of affecting me in the first place. Same goes for Batman. Not everything in this universe can be plotted out by Batman. I don't care how much he researches moving a planet with his pinky finger, it's not going to happen. I, on the other hand, can move the planet by casual thought. It's a simple reality. Some things are just not reachable for some people. That is the case in this with Batman. I am the unreachable for him.

VS Mystique: Oh boy a shape changer. That's cute. No matter what she does to alter herself against me, my command of molecules can change her right back. In fact, I may change her into a few fun things just to annoy. Like a Smurf maybe. Yep, I turn her into a Smurf. Perfect.

VS Darth Vader: Let's face it. If Darth had anywhere near the ability to affect me in the slightest, his own universe would be totally under his control. Unfortunately for him, he requires permanent life support that I erase without even looking at him. Yep, in this case, I would actually kill Darth Vader who can't use the force well enough to sustain his own body.

VS Wolverine: Once again it's blades and claws. Those mean nothing to me. I am beyond even caring about such a flea. But since I must, I'll remove his adamantium even better than Magneto did. It just won't exist any more. I can disassemble him to molecules or just send him home. Doesn't matter much here.

VS Venom: I  separate the symbiote from the host and seal it away forever. No one will ever find it. That equals no powers for the host. That puts Brock or any other Venom beneath my notice but then that brings me to my final point.

You might think that all together they have a chance against me. But they don't. Because I did all of these things at the same fraction of a moment in time affecting them all simultaneously. I did it so fast that none of them could actually register what happened to them. Now they can get off my moon and leave me alone as my contemplations are beyond their microscopic ability to see. None of them any greater in scale than a germ to me and I am not affected by germs.

Do you agree? Do you disagree? Have fun in comments. Hope you got a half chuckle.